i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
