I want to have your abortion
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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