Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
