all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You're a waste of cheezeits
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
