I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
