You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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