Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
