none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
These tits shall not be calmed
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
