So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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