people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
How's work?
Spinning.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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