My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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