So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
