booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
