Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
