I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
