Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm passing your future prison.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
