Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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