he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
