I just saw a hot homeless man
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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