i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
