you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I feel like death gave me a hand job
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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