my mouth tastes like poor choices
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
