i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
