Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
vagina is talking i cant
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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