Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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