And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
