apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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