i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
