You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
