We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
