Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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