walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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