You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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