i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
