You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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