Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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