I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
