There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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