Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
