There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the day after is always just damage control
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
