i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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