In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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