You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
