Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
