He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
