this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
