I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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