apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
