He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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