What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
