I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
