hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
