Im at strip club and am horny
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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