I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
