..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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