you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
