I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
