Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize