i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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