I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
