what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
