I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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