I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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