that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
