I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Every concussion has its silver lining
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
