just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
